Ramblings from the Heartland a CHK Network Blog

It’s Friday night, and I’m tired and cranky after work, and a little nauseated. The kids didn’t do the chores I left so I had to re-think dinner, and I’m so tired of heather’s endless questions during movies and TV shows, where if she would just watch for 2 seconds, she would learn the answer without having to ask! Jerry is asleep, and I have to stay awake until 11pm. Work in the morning. Trick-r-treating tomorrow night, and Diana wants to go to a friends’ Halloween party until 11pm. I say no! My treadmill isn’t working and I haven’t found a good way to get to the Y in the afternoons, so I’m having trouble getting exercise. My eating habits are bad. Very bad. I would love to go back on WW but I can’t afford it. I’m tired of being broke, tired of this student load debt that’s holding us back, and I feel like I’m suffiocating, or choking. It’s not a good feeling. I wish I could get paid more for working the same number of hours! But that ain’t happening! I’m tired of failing and not keeping promises I make, including ones I make to myself for my own good! I need to pray and I can’t. There’s always something else to think about or do or say. Sick of it! Why can’t I just…change it? It should easy to change, right? It’s my life, after all! But it’s not that easy. I can’t even seem to take the first step. And now I’ve turned this into a good old-fashioned pity party,  which is not something I like to do. Well, crap! What an evening this turned out to be! I need to go find an inspiring book to read. Something that will help me pull myself out of this funk and find some grand scale motivation! Wish me luck!

About so many things! First and foremost…I made a trip to the ER last night to be with my husband who got sick at work. We were there for 6 hours, which means I was awake for 23 hours, and I didn’t like it one little bit! But more important than that, it turns out my sweet spouse needs to monitor his diabetes a lot better! He takes oral meds and insulin for it, he doesn’t exercise, and his eating habits are lousy! I try not to nag. That’s not my place. And he’s a grown up so I don’t refuse him the foods he wants. But maybe I should…The easiest way for him not to eat “those foods” is for me not to buy them! Just don’t have them in the house! There! Simple. And now that I’ve realized that, it also made me come face to face with a reality that I can’t avoid any longer-I’ve gained back all but a pound of the weight I lost last Fall and Winter. And I don’t like myself very much because of it. But I will not turn this into a pity party. Instead I will do what I do best. Endure. Persist. Persevere. Go forward from here. It’s a new week. Almost a new school year. Seems as good a time as any! I joined Spark People, a free weight-loss and fitness community. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’ve been struggling a lot with questions about wearing dresses and covering my head. And I think I figured that one out. The Lord hasn’t yet convicted me to do either of these. If I wear a skirt to work or church, it’s because I choose to. If I put a bandana or a wide-headband on, it’s because I like how it looks. I’m still God’s chosen woman, without responding to this brand of legalism. I wear jeans and sweats and I like them. As long as I am modest in apparel and feminine in appearance, I think that is what matters. And please don’t tell me I’m wrong or that you disagree with me. This is something I worked out for myself. Until the Lord dictates otherwise, this is how I roll! I have nothing but respect and admiration for women who choose to cover their heads or be dresses-only. But I’m not one of them.
There are several things I need to do each day to maintain my job, my house, and my sanity! Some of them are things that I enjoy doing, like baking, making laundry soap, writing, knitting (or crocheting), reading. And some are just plain necessary, like going to work, doing laundry, cleaning the house, cooking meals that my picky kids will eat, ironing, paying bills, exercising, watching what I eat, and (starting in a week and a half) making sure homework gets done. I need to make a new Master Schedule, and each day HAS to include these things. It sounds easy, but it might actually be a little complicated. I’ll see how it looks when everything is written down on paper.
See, I promised a lengthy meaty post! I have a lot to do around the house. I meant to do it today, but that got sidetracked my the fact that I’m seriously short on sleep! Tonight I will finish the laundry. Tomorrow I will: fold and put away the laundry, mow the yard, clean the living room and the bathroom and my room, make chicken and noodles for Sunday dinner, and maybe buy some whole wheat flour for bread. Jerrys says I should stay home from church to catch up here and I’m OK with that! I’ve had 5.5 hours of sleep, and while that’s enough to survive until bedtime, it’s not enough to go gangbusters on the house, even though I wish I could! OK. I think that’s about it. Take from it what you will!

Stay with me. I have a long meaty post i want to write as soon as I get everything down on paper so it makes sense. I also have pics to post when I remember how! I’m still here. Don’t leave me now!

For those of you who were confused, the below pic is my youngest daughter Heather and my cousin Molly. We were visiting The Grand Arbor-a cabin and nature preserve in Metamora, Indiana. This was in the summer of 2006 so Heather was about 3.5 to 4 years old. Now I kow how to do this!

2nd time is a charm…maybe?

Just seeing if I am computer-savvy enough to add a pic to this blog all by myself!

Good evening! It’s been a good day. I cleaned my kitchen and washed all the laundry except for 1 sleeping bag. 2 kids and 1 husband took showers, and I’m taking one in the morning. I know what I’m wearing to work tomorrow, and my water bottle is in the freezer. Jeanne will be home from Jordan’s in 90 minutes. I enjoyed listening to Christian radio on my mp3 player today. It made me feel a little better about missing church. Left to do before bed tonight? Finish washing that last sleeping bag. pick up the living room and make sure the kitchen is cleaned up. Pack purse for tomorrow. There. That should just about do it. Dinner tonight was fried fish, garlic mashed potatoes with 2 cheeses, and a salad with lettuce, oranges, green onions (from the garden) candied almonds and a sweet-m-sour dressiing. Diana is baking blueberry muffins. more yumminess! And there are plenty of leftovers for Jerry to take to work. I feel good about that.

Very inspired to take better care of my home lately. To make it truly a place of peace and comfort. I really like the new table that took the place of the white desk in the living room. Much nicer, and not as much of a clutter magnet. Now \I’m all inspired about buying a couch, getting new carpet for the living room, and painting Heather’s desk! Where to begin?! Anyone know, is there an easy way to post pics here? I have a before/after I’d like to post and also a pic of my summer table. Just asking.

I’ve gotten quite a lot of laundry done, and enlisted the help of both the dryer and the clothesline to dry the clothes. I’m getting there! Diana is spending the night with a friend, and Jeanne is mad at me because I won’t let her spend the night with a friend! Guess I lost the Mother of the year award…again!

I made some really good shredded Italian Beef in the Crockpot today. Jerry ate his as sandwiches, and I put mine over rice. Very tasty! I also tried a new Brownie recipe (YUM!) and Jeanne baked chocolate chip cookies. At some point this evening, I need to do a whole-house walkthrough to pick up and put away. There’s things out of place in every room. Nothing major, just a quick tidy-up. Tomorrow will be church (haven’t decided which one yet!) and then more laundry, ironing, and helping Jeanne stitch up a pillow. Just another day of domestic bliss!

Looking forward to Fall. If for no other reason than the cooler temperatures~! One of Jerry’s co-workers gave me half a fleece today-fresh off the sheep! Now I just need to figure out how to spin it. The drive band is broken on my wheel and doing a whole half-fleece on a drop-spindle feels very daunting! I can replace the drive band but not until next paycheck. Hmmmm. And meanwhile, fresh fleece really doesn’t smell all that good! OK> I’ll figure it out.

I’m off to do yet more laundry, start cleaning the kitchen, finish picking up the house…never stops! We’re havin’ some fun now!

I did not sleep not last night. Praying tonight will be much different. I got up early and cleaned the back room and the kitchen before the heat got too overpowering. Now I’m contemplating the messy living room, working on laundry, baking cookies, and trying to keep the kids from killing each other and driving me crazy! It’s incredibly hot in here. I cannot believe the amount of humidity it the air. I want to bake buttermilk bisuits and make fried chicken, but it’s way too hot to have the oven on all day, and hot oil besides. Hmmm. Steaks on the grill, maybe? And I have work to do on my knitting project. Jerry’s shirt for work tonight is in the washer as we speak, and I have a load of laundry to fold as well. I should probably go do that. I need to find my motivation. It was just here a minute ago. Must be on a break! Mayve there’s some extra in my pockets. I need to pray. I need to find my focus again because it isn’t where it should be. I’m getting bogged down in negativity and the ways and values of this world, and that’s not good. Where is my Bible? Psalm 118:24. that’s a good verse. Let’s start there.

It’s the end of what feels like a VERY long week, even though I only had to work 4 days. My kids are in the process of switching bedrooms. Diana and Jeanne will be sharing and Heather will have her own room again. Much better when school starts. But for now everything is a royal mess and I’m not entirely sure that it will ever get done. Meanwhile, I need to tackle the rest of the house and finish up the laundry, of which there is much. All to be ready for Tuesday when Diana’s friends will invade the church for a party, and then a few will return here for a sleepover! I think I must be crazy!

My period showed up today, and I was expecting it, more or less. But it’s wearing me down and I have a backache. Looking forward to bedtime but first I have to make it to 11:00pm so I can get Jerry off to work. I’m giving muself tonight to take it easy. Tomorrow and Sunday will be work, work, work.

I just fixed tacos for Jerry so he can go back to sleep. The kids voted on tacos too, instead of fried fish, so we will have fish tomorrow and I will eat a cheeseburger, some cottge cheese and pineapple, and some chips tonight.

My daughter has been 13 for 9 days and her attitude totally sucks! I feel so bad for my mom if I acted half that bad when I was 13! I really just wanted to smack her last night, she was being so mouthy! But that was the hormones talking. Mostly…I tried to laugh at her instead of reacting and screaming. It did take the wind out of her sails a little bit!

So sleepy. I think I’ll work on my knitting project for a while. Or maybe something else. not sure yet. I hate feeling like this. Depressed and bruised. Again, the hormones, and I know they are temporary. But I still feel this way. OK. Enough of this. Time to find something productive to do. Gotta scoot!