This week’s question comes from Jeannie. This is a very important topic, so I invite you to join me as we search the Word for what God says about dating non-Christians. 
As a middle aged woman, ready to date again, I find the pool of quality men small, and even smaller is the pool of Christian.
To be honest, a lot of the non Christian men are nicer and have more to offer than the Christian men do.
I was married to a man that shared my faith before, so I know how
wonderful that can be. But I find I am turning down, good datable men
because they either are not Christians or are just casual Christians.Do I avoid dating all non-Christian men?
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
There is nothing inherently wrong with dating unbelievers. However, since God’s Word is not only a compilation of specific statements about life, but also a book of principles for living the Christian Life, there is more to think about when it comes to dating non-believers.
Its a real problem! Trying to find someone who is compatible with you, someone whose personality really works with yours, who you find attractive and who loves the Lord Jesus … can seem down right impossible. Should you go to a different Church? Date that non-Christian guy at work? Lower you standards? All those things can really distract you from your walk with the Lord.
Above all else: guard your heart ….. Proverbs 4:23
The thing we often forget is that when we belong to Jesus, there are things in which we are limited. One of those things is the pool of people we can choose from to have a husband or wife. The Bible tells us that the way of Christ is narrow and that there are not many who find it. It stands to reason then, that the group from which we can choose a mate is equally narrow.
Even though dating a non-Christian is not a good idea, consider with what compassion God views those who are in a marriage with an unbeliever: For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:14. What this means is that the believer’s life will be a testimony to the unbeliever and that the believer’s faith may lead the unbeliever to faith in Christ. Still not an ideal situation and not one that God chooses for His people.
Here are some things to think about when considering who to date:
1. Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals 1 Corinthians 15:33. Will dating a non-Christian be a good thing for your relationship with Christ? Will it draw you closer to Him? Or will it cause you to pull away?
2. Can a non-Christian man lead a spiritually mature woman? Its not likely. The bible tells us that the man should be the spiritual leader in a relationship.
3. You may find that you have opposite views from a non-Christian in many areas. What happens is that you will be tempted to compromise. The non-Christian can break certain rules (convictions) that you have for your life and you may feel pressured to break those convictions as well, simply to maintain the relationship. A non-Christian may feel indifferent about your convictions, but you will have to deal with them.
4. Are you prepared to be emotionally involved with someone with whom you cannot talk about your deepest feelings and hopes in the light of God and His plan? There is a level of intimacy that you cannot achieve with someone who does not share your faith. Are you sure this is something you want to experience?
5. It may be very difficult to end an emotional relationship with someone if you find that you are not compatible spiritually. Even a casual dating can become a relationship of love. The best thing to do is not to entangle yourself in the first place.
So what do we do? I think there are a few things we can do to enhance our opportunities for meeting people. Going to Church and being active there is a great one. I think obviously, the bigger the Church the bigger your opportunities. Some Churches even have godly singles groups. Being involved in community activities can be a way to meet others and so can being a volunteer in Christian outreach groups in your community.
Don’t leave out prayer. God is intensely interested in your life and in your emotional needs. I believe He has a plan for you, and while I cannot say that it does or does not include a Christian husband, I do know that He wants the very best for you.
I know this is not an easy answer. Frankly, you are a grown woman and I would never assume to tell you what to do about this topic, but would just speak these words of truth into your life and ask you to pray about it. I will be praying for you too, Jeannie, because I know this is important and that you are concerned about what God wants for your life.
About Sylvia
I’d share if I could
I dated and married a non believer 21 years ago. We are both Christians now. How do you know that by dating a non Christian isn’t a way for them to see God in there life?? I think you have given a very faulty answer here.
Dear Jill,
I am so happy to know that your husband became a Christian. Your experience in this area is different than most and for that we can be thankful to God!
Did you notice in the article where I said:
“Even though dating a non-Christian is not a good idea, consider with what compassion God views those who are in a marriage with an unbeliever: For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:14. What this means is that the believer’s life will be a testimony to the unbeliever and that the believer’s faith may lead the unbeliever to faith in Christ. Still not an ideal situation and not one that God chooses for His people.”
God doesn’t leave His children uncared for or abandoned just because they date or marry an unbeliever. But His Word is clear that bonding together with an unbeliever is not His perfect plan. We serve a great God, one who works in less than ideal situations.
I’m 16 and was baptized when I was 10 years old. I was also born into a christian family. I was recently was asked out 13 days ago by a very nice guy and he has a very basic idea of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He believes in God and he believes in the Son, the Father and the Holy Spirit. I just want to know what to do to lead him to Christ. I talked with my parents about this and they said that if he’s interested he would ask us what to do next. I’m fearful that Satan will get ahold of him and lead him the wrong way. I don’t want that to happen to him. Will you give me some ideas to push him in the right direction?
Dear Lauren
I don’t really recommend pushing someone in the direction of being saved. It usually backfires. What I recommend is for you to be an example of a life lived for Christ. Pray for your friend daily, and pray for yourself, that you would be a good witness to your friend. The Holy Spirit will take care of drawing him to faith in Jesus, your part is to live your life in such a way that your friend sees what it is to believe and trust in Jesus. God bless you!
Hi Sylvia!
I totally agree with your answer regarding Jill’s reply.
Jill, precious girl, I’m so thankful your husband came to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ! That is wonderful!!! Praise GOD!
As a minister’s wife, we’ve spent many hours in counciling the larger percentage of women who married unbelievers…oh the heartaches. It’s been my experience from witnessing these other womens’ situations, circumstances, and marriages that marrying an unbeliever isn’t the right way to go.
I’m glad your situation turned around for you though! While that is definitely fantastic…it’s not always the norm.
I totally disgree with most of your article about dating non-believers as the majority of the time it doesn’t work out. I, too, have witnessed many heartaches of believers who “missionary dated” thinking they could win over their boyfriend/girlfriend only to end up living in misery as well as their children. The cases where it has worked is only because of God’s grace. If a non-believer doesn’t become a believer before the marriage, chances are almost zero he/she won’t later.
OK .. well, I’m sort of confused as to why you disagreed with the article if you agree that it rarely works out. Maybe it was just a typo? But thanks for reading and commenting!
I can testify to that always encourage others to marry other christians i have failed relationships which has brought me much shame and stress related illness
But much more than this is needed christianity has to keep growing the ethos the morals the family to be celebrated and cared for in the lords true fashion.
I have a few things to add here. Let me start by saying that marriage to unbeliever does according to Scripture, contradict God’ will for His people. However, I don’t believe the same applies to dating. In dating there are no vows, no promises, and no lifetime commitments. At any time the christian may feel free to back out of the relationship and vice versa. The believer should lay down firm guidelines from the onset of the relationship. If the believer is not contradicting his/her own beliefs and remaining true to his/her faith as proscribed in Scripture, I don’t see how this would be too different than a close friendship. As long as the believer remains in strong fellowship with fellow believers and continues along his/her path of righteousness, there shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, I’ve seen some amazing successful relationship ensue as a result of the nonbeliever coming to Christ as a result of the witness provided by their partner. This is never a guarantee of course. However, for instance, there is sometimes no one on earth closer to us than a partner. I have a difficult time believing that God can’t take full advantage of this closeness and use the believer as a powerful witness. Sometimes, it might take such a closeness for someone to be receptive to the Gospel. I’ve dated a nonbeliever. The relationship ended and after it did my ex got a hold of me a while later through my church to tell me that he had converted and wanted to thank me for planting the seed. Though we didn’t work out, that doesn’t matter – what matters is that my ex is now one more victory for Christ, one more was ushered into His kingdom as an indirect result of my testimony (of course only God convicts us in the end). So, stay within the behavioral parameters laid out in Scripture and see where it goes. It seems there are two outcomes – there can be no marriage, so either both parties reach a stalemate and can’t go further due to the roadblock so it ends. OR, in few cases the nonbeliever just may come to Christ as the result of the powerful testimony of his/her partner. God bless you all in our Savior, Jesus Christ.
I’m currently going through a major heartbreak over this exact issue so I just wanted to say thank you for the Q&A and for everyone’s two cents. I broke up with the only man I’ve ever loved (a non-believer) because I was afraid I was being disobedient to God but I’m still praying that the man turns around and we are brought back together again. Reading some of these comments affirms me and gives me some more things to consider so thank you
What advice do you have for someone who is a leader in their church dating a “friend” who used to be a believer but has backslidden? I have counseled her only in the area of her being careful of her heart in this relationship. It seems she has fell in “love” with her “friend” and I am wanting to caution her yet not wanting to offend if she doesn’t ask for or want the advice. I appreciate your blog and comments; it has reaffirmed what I know is the truth.
Katrina,
Beyond what you have done in warning your friend, you can pray diligently for her.
And I think you can bring to her what God’s Word says about believers and non-believers in relationships as outlined above. If she doesn’t accept or agree to obey what the Word plainly teaches, then she is dealing with some more serious problems in her spiritual life and dating an unbeliever is simply a symptom of that spiritual illness.
I believe you can gently and carefully bring God’s Word to her attention and show her that the Word is for her good, not her harm. If she is a Church leader, perhaps that will be evident to her quickly and she will listen.
Christians are called by God to bring correction for the good of our brothers and sisters in love and with humility (and to receive it in those ways as well). If she is offended by the truth, Jesus tells us that it is He who has offended her. Matthew 13:56-57, John 3:19-20
Hello I’m struggling with this one at the moment. I am in a relationship with a man that I adore and am living with him at his mums. I’m a student so not working as in 3rd year at uni. I have a flatfull of stuff in the garage as I used to live on my own but had to move out as was threatended by the landlord and had no choice but to move here. My dads an alcholic so I dont really want to move in there and again theres the space problem. My boyfriend when I met him was mentally ill and smoked cannibas. I stayed with him at first to make him better and for ten months I prayed. He agreed to get help after 6 months and is now on medication and like a different person. I prayed to God that if he didnt want me to be with my boyfriend to make it clear and my boyfriend then also quit smoking weed. I prayed again and said ‘Lord please give me a way out if I’m not meant to be with him’ and he agreed to come to Alpha course with me and did so several times and came to church with me. I’ve continued to pray and even little things happened like my boyfriend likes to play guitair and he went to meet a man to pick a guitair up and this man said he played in the church band. Theres too many things happening for me to think that the lord doesnt want me to be with him at the moment but I know its against Gods will in the bible. As for the comments regarding ‘ For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:14. ‘ I’m sorry but as much as I’d like to agree with this, this scripture is aimed at those who are already married to a non believer. God is not saying that its ok to marry one but for perhaps a wife who has found the lord after she has married a non believer.
Zoe,
I want you to know that I am praying for your boyfriend as the Lord draws him to Himself. And I am praying for you to flee from sin and to live a holy life as God intend His people to live.
The one statement you made here, “Theres too many things happening for me to think that the lord doesnt want me to be with him at the moment but I know its against Gods will in the bible.”
This shows me that you are not understanding God. Dear heart, if the Lord says something is so in His Word, He is not going to negate that Word in any way. Not in your life, or mine or your boyfriend’s or anyone’s.
So He will not be telling you one thing that is different from what His Word is telling you. If you feel that something you are doing is sinful, you should listen to that for it could very well be God getting your attention. Find out what His Word says about your situation.
As far as being with this young man, I am not sure what that means, but I am imagining that you mean dating him. However living with this young man undoubtedly leads to sexual temptation which is something God tells us to flee.
As a Christian, you can ask God to provide a living place for you that will not subject you to so much temptation. I will be praying for you as well in this.
Thank you for your comment. I do hear what your saying however I have heard stories where a christian has married a non christian and the non christian has ended up becoming saved. I feel guilty too, my boyfriend has been let down so many times and I’m the first person he’s trusted for ages and he’s so happy and I’m happy. I love him and I would be willing to spend the rest of my life trying to lead him to Jesus. Oh I dont know I’m so upset right now. The thought of leaving him makes me feel physically sick. I’ve been reading my bible more than ever since I’ve been with him I have about 6 months left before I finish uni and can possibly move out and get my own place. My mum and dad were both born again when they got married and now theyre seperated and my dads an alcoholic who drun himself into a mental institution for 2 weeks. I love God so much but I’m angry and confused and upset and the only thing in my life apart from God that is making me happy right now is my William. I want him to be saved. I love him so much and I think I can lead him to God eventually. He enjoys going to Alpha with me and he doesnt mind me reading my bible and even encourages me to go to church if I havent gone for a while, he seems to like that I do that? Nothing makes sense.
Dear Ladies,
I came across this blog ‘accidentally’ (if such a thing exists) after having a bit of a rage at Christian guys in general. I’m a 20 year old (single) Christian. I’ve been brought up in a Christian home, am incredibly settled and happy in a church and throughout my walk with God, I’ve seen Him at work in many situations, each answer to prayer and each miracle more amazing than the last. I’ve had a smattering of boyfriends throughout university – each one a Christian. Only one was serious – we were very definitely in love and, along with my parents and friends, thought it would end in marriage. He broke my heart completely unexpectedly one morning, and is now dating a friend of mine. It’s taken a while to get over him, but I’m through it, having once again been shown God’s unfailing faithfulness and love for me.
Nine months on, I’m still single and am beginning to get ‘sick to the back teeth’ of Christian boys. At the moment, it feels like they only speak to you if they want you as a wife, which, in my opinion, is totally ridiculous. I have a handful of very close, but non-Christian male friends, who say and do the right things, who flirt and tell me I look good that day or the essay I’m writing deserves top marks. After going through my Facebook friends, I can think of only two Christian guys I know who would say something like that. Christ is the utmost priority in my life – He’s my King and my friend and the ‘lover of my soul’. But one of my biggest desires in life is to be with someone who wants to be with me, with whom I can share my life and my joys and sorrows. At the moment, dating a non-Christian is incredibly attractive, especially if they’re ‘here and now’. (I’m not particularly patient…) Of course, I’ve been praying for months for God to send me someone who can help guide me in faith and with whom I can be in a relationship with. My parents would die if they knew I was dating a non-Christian, but at the same time, they’re despairing at the idea of a 20yr old single daughter.
So my question is thus: after praying day after day, and after crying into a pillow nearly every night, and with a handful of non-Christians pursuing me, how do I know what God’s will for my love life is? With very little – if any – answered prayer and with an extreme shortage of Christian males, would it be the end of the world if I date a non-Christian? I’ve waited with no avail, my patience is running out and my frustration at Christian males is growing.
Please help?
Stephanie,
Believe it or not, I used to be 20 years old. Now I have a 20 year old daughter.
I remember being 20 well and I remember those sometimes overwhelming feelings of wanting real love and a soul-mate. I mean, who doesn’t at some point want that? We’re created for relationships.
When you tell me that you are a Christian I have to ask you, ‘As a child of God, do you trust God with your future?’ I think you must trust Him at least somewhat, because you say you are praying for Him to bring a relationship to you. But if you don’t trust Him when He doesn’t bring that relationship, then there is a deeper problem here than wanting a boyfriend or even a life-long companion.
I know you are feeling impatient and frustrated. I really do understand wanting something good and it just not happening the way and at the time you believe it should. Let me introduce you to a man named Abraham. He was promised something pretty wonderful by God. This wonderful thing was a child, an heir. Abraham couldn’t wait for God to bring about this wonderful thing so he went ahead and chose second best. It didn’t turn out well (Genesis chapter 15-21).
God promises all His children (believers) that He will work in our lives only for our good and that He works in all things for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28-29).
But when we take over and try to make it work, its always second-best and rarely turns out well.
Your part in waiting for God to move is to be obedient to Him. I believe in your life obedience works its way out in being patient, adhering to His Word and the instruction you find there. Part of that Word tells us not to attach ourselves to unbelievers in relationships.
I’m not going to tell you that it should be easy to do. My mother in law once told me that anything worth doing is going to be hard to do, anything worth having is going to be hard to get. Otherwise, what’s the point in having something worthwhile?
Let me encourage you to focus on Jesus in your life, allow Him to prioritize your life and give you a calling for His Kingdom. Everything else in life will fall into place little by little if you will follow Him with all your heart.
Once again, I just wanted to thank you all for this forum. I made the decision to end things with my non-believing boyfriend 6 months ago and I’m still suffering depression and wondering why God hasn’t healed me or sent someone else to me yet. I’m 31 and had never been in love before this, it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. My ex then started dating someone else within a couple months, even though I believe he was head over heels for me when we were together. I keep wondering why my ex got to quickly get everything he wanted, yet I’m still sad and I feel hopeless that I’ll ever feel that way again. I’ve had a lot of great guys want a relationship with me, but I just don’t feel a connection with most guys. I guess I’m really picky but not deliberately, I just can’t feel passion enough to date someone long term. Until my ex. And now I feel like I sacrificed the thing I wanted most to obey God, and then God left me. I’m trying each day to keep the faith that God is working behind the scenes and will bring me victory somehow soon, be it through just making me content again or through bringing me someone else I want even more (both seem impossible right now), but my strength is waning. I’m to the point now that I fear I’ll lose my own salvation because I just yell at God now, I even have swear words on the tip of my tongue WHILE I’m praying because I just feel betrayed by God in this. I don’t get why He showed me everything I wanted and told me I couldn’t keep it….
Anyway, the advice on here has helped but if you have anything else, I’m all ears. And if you think of it, please pray for me. I feel like I’ve asked 1000 people to do that but yet just this morning I woke up crying once again.
Lynn,
I will pray for you, I am very blessed to be able to pray for you.
When God works in us to remove things that He doesn’t want in our lives, it hurts, doesn’t it? I have to be honest with you and tell you I hate it. Yet, I am thankful for it on this side of it all. And I’m not finished yet, so I expect more of those uncomfortable times as God is working in my life.
I think you will be thankful for this time one day, too. Don’t worry about losing your salvation because you are angry at God, He’s bigger than that and understands that we are like grass, a vapor .. and He understands our frailness and weakness. He loves us anyway. He has something much better in mind for you, Lynn. Focus on Jesus and living for Him. Ask the Lord to give you a vision of what He wants your life to be. Let Him be your all in all. (((Lynn))) I hope this doesn’t sound like platitudes, I know you’re hurting and broken hearted and angry. I am praying today that God will give you assurance of His love and care for you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that.
Dear Sylyvia,
I am currently dating a nonchristian. He knows about God but that’s as far as it goes. He has had a very rough childhood and still deals with these problems today. Since I’ve met him, he’s told me how much I’ve helped him whether it was giving him advice or just being a really positive person while around him. I come from a very strong Christian family. Everyone is against me dating him. I am hoping that through my example, he will see the love of christ and want to have what I have. I’m not pushing him, all i tell him is that he needs to know where I stand and I will respect him in what he believes, but if he ever wants to talk about God then I’m there for him hold. I’m not losing hope that he could become saved. I do know what the Word says and I love God and my family so much. It pains me to know I am hurting them. But I feel that maybe I met this guy for a reason and I am supposed to be a light in his life where he’s had none. And maybe he’ll see where the main source of light comes from, is Jesus Christ. I really just want some hope that this could surely be possible. I have read reviews already saying how some were successful. Please let me know
And thank you.
Dear Zoe,
You took the words right out of my mouth. It’s so good to know I am not alone in this. I am 20 years old.
“I feel guilty too, my boyfriend has been let down so many times and I’m the first person he’s trusted for ages and he’s so happy and I’m happy. I love him and I would be willing to spend the rest of my life trying to lead him to Jesus. Oh I dont know I’m so upset right now. The thought of leaving him makes me feel physically sick.
I love God so much but I’m angry and confused and upset and the only thing in my life apart from God that is making me happy right now is my William. I want him to be saved. I love him so much and I think I can lead him to God eventually.”
Thank You.
i am struggling with a similar issue and would love advise. my boyfriend and i have dated for 3 years. we are both divorced, but fall under Matt 19:8 we are to be married in a few months but my baster pointed out 2 Corinthians 6:14 now, he was raised catholic, but does not practice, believes in God but is unsure of Jesus as he had what i call bad council for a church head on the question of Jesus. does this make us unequally yoked? is he an unbeliever? is there hope? ive prayed and read but have not come under any conviction.
thank you.
Hi Slyvia , i have a non-christian boyfreind we are together for 3 more years now. At first i tried my best not to date him but we both love eachother so much and we date. Inspite of the love we both know that we will not be able to marry. I feel so guilty for this at times. I wanted to live upto God’s standard but i could not cos of this. I feel like God will punish me someday for this. I dont feel atracted towards other guy. I am 27 now n I feel I should starts thinking seriously abot my life partner. we kiss and hug like others (though virgin both )he is 28th . Emotionally we are too attach how do i let this go??
Hello Teena,
Please forgive my tardiness in answering your question. Also, please feel free to reapply at the CHK Message board, I accidentally deleted ALL the new applicants. I am not technically adept to say the least.
About your question. Relationships are messy and they rarely work out the way we hoped. You know that a child of God should not enter into a romantic relationship with someone unless that someone also is a Christian. But that’s water under the bridge so to speak, you already have emotional ties to this young man.
As hard as this sounds, I offer it with compassion and sisterly love. Your choices are:
1. Continue in disobedience to God by linking yourself together with an unbeliever.
2. Separate from your friend romantically and continue to offer him friendship only and let him see you living a Christ-like life.
3. Separate completely from this relationship
Your final choice, which should be added to each of the above choices, is to seek the Lord in this, read His Word and see what He says about romantic relationships. Ask Him to help you and to move in your life. Then determine to be His obedient servant, putting this relationship in His hands, and doing as He commands.
Hi Slyvia
Many thanks for the reply. I hope and belived that one day I will be able to overcome this temptation. But its very hard for me as you know, he is the 1st guy i feel so much loved and cared. I will slowly convinced him to be my fren. But I need a spititual guidlines for this almost every time. Please help me. I really feel that I should live as God’s standard only this relationshp is keeping me away. I am also an active member in church and works for some other organisation too. Many a times I tried to go away but its keeping me so unhappy whenever i tried to avoid him, I feel so irretated and cant balaced even with my frens family and job. Somtiems I feel like going away from this city but I cant help. Please Slyvia be my guide. I worked in cooperate company now and ready to do anything for serving the precious God and live as his command.
Thanks Sylvia;
I think this is great sound advice for those who are looking to get into or go back into the dating field.
I, myself am a 53 year old single woman who has been divorced since 1991.
I found the advice you gave is not only sound but biblical according to what God would have us to know.
I delight myself in the things of God and have attached myself to serving in the church, not as unto man, but unto God.
This helps out a lot.
Most people who find themselves falling into temptations have sat and thought about those temptations. Once those thoughts have lingered in their minds long enough form habits which led into acting on those thoughts.
The idle mind is the devil’s playground.
I would encourage all who are Christians to get involve in the church, outreach ministries, and helping out with the community.
If your church doesn’t have any of these things, maybe God is calling you to put one in place.
Once we delight ourselves in Christ, the Word of God says, He’ll give us the desires of our hearts…
I’m writing an article for a school paper Christian Dating vs. Non Believer Dating. I think this is a great post for a reference.
Thanks Sylvia
Cynthia Johnson
I broke up with my non-Christian/agnostic boyfriend about two months ago. We dated for about six months and ending things was the hardest thing I ever had to do because we were very much in love, but I felt it was neccessary because I had drawn so far away from God. But currently I feel lonely and it’s hard because many of my Christian friends are in healthy relationships. I just found out my ex is in a new relationship already and it broke my heart. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. Although I am only 19, I feel like it’s very hard to find men compatible with my likes AND spirtiual beliefs. Although I feel more at peace because my life isn’t so sinful, I’m very sad and discouraged.
I’m so sorry Addie, that your heart is broken. It hurts. It stinks! But if you feel like you’ve done the right thing, then rest in the Lord. Get on with life as soon as you can and commune with the Lord each day by praying and reading His Word and by going regularly to a Church where you can be united with other believers. If you need to talk to someone about this in depth, find a pastor or mature sister in Christ. Focus on Jesus, not a mate. I know that’s hard too, but make Him number one in your life. Make obeying Him and becoming like Him your goal.
I am praying for your today, Addie.
Hi my names Rebbecca I’ve read everything you’ve said it’s all very good and helpful and I just wanted to say how proud God must be to look down and see a servant who is willing to help others unselfishly.
With that being said I just wanted to say that as I went throw the page I prayed for all of you because I know how painful it can be giving up control to god and giving him the things we care about most in faith that his plan will be done. I believe we get so attached and hurt because most of the time we quite down the holly spirit that god has so graciously given us because our sinful nature becomes easier and more appealing.
My story is that I started dating at the age of fourteen behind my parents back because I was not aloud, I had been raised in a Christian home and had much knowledge about the bible but I guess it safe to say I never fully believed and accepted his love because I had always been longing for a cute boy to tell me I’m pretty and too care about me. Basically we dated for two years which is a period of time that I lost most desires for God, I started doing things I never thought I would like cheating on this boyfriend with a best friend, and lying to everyone. After that relationship finally ended I wanted to start things with my unsaved best friend that I had cheated on this other guy with, but of course he was hurt by what I had done and resorted in finding ways to get back at me. During this period of time I became depressed and so sorrowful about what I had done but it wasn’t enough and I couldn’t take it back or change his mind. One night after crying every day and night for about 2 months I found myself crying out to God to fill me and give me strength because I couldn’t take the pain I was feeling anymore, it was a feeling so much different and worse than anything I had felt before. This is the point when I believe God truly saved me because it was the time I needed to be saved most. Luke 11:9 states “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. ” After this I still cried every day and night for about two or three more months but it was a sorrow for the sin I had committed towards my Savior my friend and myself , but in time God collected the pieces using the moments of unbearable pain and hurt for his glory. I finally overcame the sorrow but still had strong feelings for my friend; I was given the opportunity this weekend to have him stay over because my parents were out of town. Immediately I got this strong conviction that I shouldn’t do it because it would bring me far away from god and I knew I would have to give an account for it when I go to heaven but I let the temptation become so strong and so appealing that I just didn’t listen. I wanted it so bad so God let me make that choice. So he came (drove seven hours to see me because I recently moved) and asked me to be his girlfriend which is what my human nature had wanted for so long (we were both unsaved for the 2 years we knew each other), he said the nicest things I’ve ever heard from a boy and did the nicest things for me too .I finally said yes not listening to any thoughts I had from God putting them all aside. This weekend simply speaking I hid from God and I didn’t believe that he would find me because I didn’t want him too. After a weekend of old habits and sins, God led me to church and really laid on my heart that I couldn’t keep hiding just to get what my sinful nature wants because I’m either all his or not his at all because all God could ever want is for us to live a life for him. I went home yesterday and I got a phone call from my boyfriend of one day and I had to break it off and explain to him Gods message and how I had been a bad witness. I feel like an awful person getting my hopes and the hopes of someone I really care about up because of my own sin. But I felt like it was someone thing I had to do because him having a relationship with God is more important to me than anything and I know that if I don’t have faith that what God is telling me to do for him will work out for his glory, then how can I expect someone to put their faith in him too. Above how awful I feel with knowing that I can’t be with him because I only lead us farther away from Gods plan( because of my sins as of right now), I feel so much more pain because I’m hurting someone I truly care about(again) and want to be there for him especially because he feels like he has no one left .I wish that instead of the pain I caused I could have led him to something better, something that helped me when nothing else could because I know that’s the greatest gift he could ever get. I’m not sure what to do now I will continue praying for him and myself and if you could pray too that would be really nice. If you have any advice id appreciate it too.
Thank you (sorry this is so long and annoying to read)
Hi I have been dating a non christian man of 1 year, after being single for 7 years. We are getting to the point that we both want to settle down as we are both in our late 30s, but however much I love him I don’t want to go against Gods plan for my life. I can’t see any other way forward other than breaking up which will devastate us both. He has ovver the year supported me in my fiath and attended church but has made no move as yet to accept Jesus as his saviour.
Hello,
please understand that this computer as of now does not have a question mark so please watch for questions as i’ll put a money sign…
I have read these Q’s n A’s and find myself wanting to throw myself off of a bridge because I see soo many reasons why I should not concern myself with this woman that I would really like to know. As I think about the reason why I even think about this is because I am a believer in, God, but do not find my beleifs being within the, New Testement. Therefore I do not beleive in, Jesus. This is where I am finding myself in great doubt about what I should do becase she is a however a believer. I am soo afraid that if she accepts my offering of friendship (understanding what I hope we can achieve together through this relationship) that things might not work between us and the both of us suffering in the end. Is it possible for us to be together under the watchful and non-likeing eye’s of her church for example$ Will there be great conflict within us being together if we can share the love of our Father, but not see the same about her belief of, Jesus$ I promised to her that I will never try to take her away from her faith, but for her to please understand that I cannot and will not ever believe in, Jesus. This I am sure that she is in great confusion with because I can see her interest in wanting to know who I am, but as I said, I will not try to lift her of her faith because I know that is important for her to have, Jesus. Is there any way possible for us to move onward to the ultimate goal of shareing His love within a relationship being divided from the Old and New Testements$$$
Frankly John, if she is committed to God through Christ, and you are not, then there will eventually be problems. What you know as the love of God and what she understands as the Love of God are two different things.
I am curious, why do you say you can never believe in Jesus?
Silvia,
Thank you for your response. Even though I am very stressed in my heart because I know that I truly want to know who this woman is that walked into my life and feel the same as your answer about this as in possible future problems, I must believe that, God, did not put my thoughts of only her, have me walk into her store and tell her that I feel that He put me in this situation to find only then that she she is a believer for nothing. I want to tell you that I truly believe in the power of, God. I truly believe that because of him we brought together to meet and not for any other reason. I must try nomatter what the outcome or future. Maybe I’m not in this situation to be with her. Maybe I am. All I know is that I truly feel in my heart that, God, sent me in a path that I tried to get out of but could not. I really honestly tried. This in meaning to actualy speak with other women and try to stop thinking of her.
As for an answer to why it is that I could never believe in, Jesus… I grew up in the church learning and understanding many things that I will never forget because of the power of, God. Learning that we had to come from somewhere, I choose to not think that we just “big banged” into our existance and were one of His creations. As growing in the church learning and studying about, Jesus, I discovered many things that didn’t add up. For example, The birth of, Jesus, is confused to many because he is supposed to be born at one time said in one book, but yet born in another decade in another. The way he died isn’t up to par either I think. Silvia, I just can’t bring myself to think that the people themselves would want to have a man put to death that was walking everywhere spreading the word of love, feeding people that were hungry and healng people of illnesses that were not curable in that day and age. As a person, thinking of human way’s of thinking and feeling, I don’t think that anyone within these day’s would want him put to death as well. They would actually do more than protest about him being put to death and stand to fight for his life because of the healings alone knowing that, Jesus, is the light of the way. It just does not match in any way thinking straight and I do not think that people after thousands of years are going to just wake up one day being completely stupid of life after surviving thousands of years before, Jesus. It just does not work. Also the books that were written were written “in passage” not from literal knowledge of the actual time that he was alive. From not one person ever writing anything from the time that he was alive until about 150 years after his death just dose not cut it for me and for many other people now that the world is growing to ask why and not just accept and live with whatever it is that our leaders want us to accept. I think that we can learn to come together without religion like within the first testaments and live like we did before the invention of, Jesus. Before, Jesus, we had no religion and only the choise to believe in, God, or not. People were not killing each other for religion, but for the wrongful thoughts that they were thinking about the presentations that, God, was trying to have them understand. This is the way I more or less see the first Testaments as in this subject. In the beginning of the religion of, Jesus Christ, we as a people were offered one thing, life or death. Believe in, Jesus, or die. This again I will not think that “the son of our father” was sent here to have people understand if he was here to try to make people see that by following him they will feel the gift of His love jsut to confuse pillage and murder 100′s of millions of people around the world. Again the current history that cannot be changed is not making any sense. If you can dispute these facts that I just explained. If you can show me a way that I am looking at this the wrong way. Please….. Actualy if anyone reading this can show me a different way to think after growing in the church and understanding how these things are, Please post an arguing comment for me. I will not argue or say things that are wrongful towards you because I love you all.<<< "First thing that I learned from our father". I will not ignore your post and answer with only the same knowledge that we all have concerning the new testament. I have read back and forth trying to find anything that will make my thinking wrong, but finding only the same confusion. Like I said… if you can make me see the way of your thinking again, you are more than welcome to the challenge. If I was brought to her to find, Jesus………….. again…, it will have to be a miracle.
Hey everyone,
Reading your stories and comments have encouraged me a lot. My heart is so broken right now.
For 4 years I dated a Christian boy who unfortunately was unkind to me, saying mean things, scolding me and controlling everything I did from how I spoke, to what I would wear and who I would hang out with. Finally God helped me see that a relationship like that wasn’t one He wanted for me and gave me the strength to break things off 1.5 years ago.
4 months ago, I fell in love with the sweetest man I have ever met. He is so kind, and considerate, humble. He really is absolutely amazing, the only thing was, he did not know God. I finally managed to speak with him and tell him, although I cared about him a lot, and yes he was perfect and everything I had ever hoped for in a guy. I had to tell him, these things weren’t enough, I need to be with a man who loved God more than he loved me. It was hard because he was always interested in hearing about God, he encouraged me to tell him. And even at the end he told me that he was in love with me, thinks I’m gorgeous and wants me to be happy no matter what, and it breaks his heart as he wants nothing more than for me to choose him.
It’s so sad. I never thought it would be so difficult. God is so important to me. GOD is real and I love him so much. I feel so upset that good people who live like Christians but don’t actually have Christ are out there.
It feels really sad, to have been with the Christian guy who has hurt me, and can’t be with the non-Christian guy who loves and treasures me.
I know and trust God is good. He wants what is best for me, I really believe that. It just hurts a lot right now and I wish I didn’t have to be the reason a boy out there has a broken heart now too.
Hello. I was dating a non christian guy, who used to be christian. I dated him for a year and I felt God calling me to become a missionary again and he hated the idea and said I was wasting my time. I recently asked him… Do you want to become a christian? He said no, I don’t believe in Jesus. I know the bible, I lived that life… I can read the bible to you because I know more than you. This grieved my spirit. I finally, told him, I can’t do this anymore with you and I don’t want to force you into my beliefs. Of course, he disagreed and said you won’t find another guy like me, who cares about you, etc. I’m glad I have the strength and courage to leave and walk away from it. Please, pray for me. My family in christ as I do God’s desire for my life and become a missionary… Reading this really helps me get a better understanding and know I’m not in the wrong. Thank you! -Delaena Rae
Thank you so much for your blog this is such a difficult question for Christian women. I also really feel that Church has not done enough to address this issue. All the posts are so informative thanks again and God Bless all in their relationships.
Sincerely,
Deborah
I have been married to 2 “christian” men. I met my first husband 30 yrs ago at a Christian college and was a virgin when we married and followed all the rules for a proper, respectable Christian life and family as my parents had modeled for me. We were blessed with 3 healthy children. That marriage ended after 20 yrs. My Christian husband really didnt want a wife and family..it was never a great marriage and he turned out to be a big narcissist and coward, even being a deadbeat dad..
I married my 2nd Christian husband 8 yrs ago after being a struggling single mom for 4 yrs. I thought he was Gods answer to prayer. He had custody of his 3 small children and seemed to be everything my first husband wasn’t……a responsible father. Afterall, how many fathers get full custody of their little children? We are still married, but it has not been easy. We have a blended family with 6 kids. We seemed to come
with equal baggage. Half of our marriage has just been fighting ex “Christian” spouses. I fully absorbed myself into raising 6 kids involving them in church every Sunday, church camp, worship dance, childrens choir, family Bible studies. For about 5 yrs I felt everything was good and God gave me the husband and family I prayed for. The years went by and my kids are now grown and moved out.
I dont know what to think of my husband. He has been a good provider and in no way a coward, taking on the responsibilty of this family, but never really a spiritual leader. The problem is he had an abusive upbringing and is very guarded and quiet. He spends most of his time at home, isolated in his office, playing war-shooting games on his computer. Many times getting angry and swearing. I have talked to him many times and even tried counseling, but he is not realky dealing with his issues. My kids were always respectful to him, but did not view him as a father..they were 18, 14, 11 when we married. His kids call me mom and easily accepted me being 3, 5, 8 when we married.
I think my 22 yr old daughter has suffered the most. She has just never had a dad to feel close to. She is dating a super nice non Christian and is planning to move 8 hrs away with him and live together.. her argument is she doesnt see where Christian men are that good..I will admit this non Christisn is nicer, more stable, and more functional than either of my husbands! How do I explain that? My heart breaks for her because she is a sensitive sweeet girl who just wants the love she never got from these “Christian” dads. She even went thru a smoking, drinking stage, got 2 tatoos and was the typical good girl dating bad boys. So this guy is a fantastic guy and she has improved her life being with him. She already knows I do not approve of living together but I havnt had a chance to talk to her boyfriend yet. I am going to talk to him just to let him know my beliefs and our family’s beliefs. I feel it is my duty to raise the standard for our family for him to see. I am praying for his salvation because I do believe they belong together.
I guess I’m conflicted about Christian men. I have never seen much fruit or spiritual leadership from either one of my husbands. Also, I do believe God holds them to a higher standard and their prayers are hindered due to disobedience, which, of course, affects the whole family. I cant imagine that a non Christian husband could give me anymore heartache than what Ive had. I feel so broken hearted and that I have failed my daughter.
I do know that God answers prayer and He is the one in control. My job is to pray, believe, and thank God for the answers.
Thank u so much for this site and the stories posted here. I am 28 years and a christian. I have a 7 years old son and his father is an non believer, but we are not together anymore. Ever since we broke 3 years back i havent had a serious relationship, it seems like only non believers are attracted to me but i am afraid of going back to the same life i lived when i was with my son’s dad which was a life of constant struggles and conflicts mostly because of my beliefs. At times i feel like it will be better to just date a non believer because i always meet very nice guys and i need a c0mpanion, a husband so badly that it keeps me awake at night. It seems like none of the brothers at my church are interested in me and at times i wonder if its because i have a child. I have been praying for a christian husband for a long time now.