The Ornament of a Meek and Quiet Spirit

As a parent, I often find myself struggling with whether or not to let my teen children face their disappointments without my help. I don’t mean my love and emotional support. I believe they know they will always have that from their parents. What I mean is, when and if I should intervene–for example, when an audition which brought so much hope to my daughter, brings hurt and disappointment when that breakthrough part doesn’t materialize. Naturally, moms want to protect their children, but sometimes they must learn from their mistakes.  Sometimes the pain comes from the actions of others.  Eventually, we all must learn  that we don’t always get the things we want, when we want them. That if we really want something, we will trust God and persevere.

And then, there are worse things than the disappointment of not getting a part. Sometimes, people bring harm to others emotionally by their careless words.

The story of Joseph reminds us that the world is full of jealousy, misunderstanding, hatred and violence. Sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, thrown into prison because he ran from a powerful woman’s lust, Joseph is raised up in order to save his family and the world from famine. What others intend for harm, God can use for good. Joseph had no control over the series of horrible things that kept happening to him, yet he continually trusts God. When he finally has an opportunity to repay his brothers for their evil, he weeps for joy at seeing them.

Our God is holy and hates evil. When the wicked seem to go unpunished, we can trust that God will make things right when Christ returns (if not before).

Changes in a church family can be painful. Our church has suffered some very painful losses in the last few years–a youth director resigning and the chaos left in it’s wake, a music minister who worked with our youth who suddenly killed himself– and now our pastor is retiring to begin a new ministry and another staff member is moving away.

I’ve noticed that the older high school youth seem to have distanced themselves from our youth director. I guess the pain of losing the last one has made them reluctant to invest themselves again. The younger middle school youth seem more open to embracing him.

I can relate to the pain of their loss. As a teen, a neighbor family befriended me and took me to their church. At 13, I accepted Christ as my neighbor guided me. Then my father, who wasn’t a Christian, decided he wanted me to attend a church closer to home. So I found one and became close to the youth director and his wife. Several years later, my neighbor and the youth director, both moved away about the same time. It was the beginning of me turning away from God. I rebelled for about 10 years until the Lord finally restored me. Only then did He show me that it started in the midst of pain when I lost those people who were so important to me.

A recent study of young adults who had been raised in church and continued attending versus those who dropped out, found that the key was having relationships with at least three adults in the church. I can’t help but wonder if that would have made a difference in my life.

A number of books have been written criticizing the modern model of youth ministry, saying it contributes to making them more self centered and doesn’t help them grow in their faith. In my own experience, both as a teen and an adult, it seems that youth groups within churches are really separate congregations. Their loyalty is to the youth director and fellow youth rather than the larger body, thus causing a real problem of disconnect.

My counselor says dear daughter and I are going through a difficult time right now, grieving losses and changes in our church, and that it will probably get worse before it gets better. She encouraged me to be available to listen to my daughter, to help her through this process rather than getting stuck as I did so many years ago. She says that Satan can really gain a foothold through unhealed wounds and scars if we’re not careful.

I’m glad Megan can recognize and express her emotions. She’s ahead of me as far as that goes. The decision will be hers as to how she allows these trials to affect her faith. Her father and I will pray, listen and try to help her through this.

Other people, whether intended or not, will always fail us. Jesus never fails us. His mercies are new every morning. His faithfulness beyond description. He understands what it means to be hurt and betrayed–even unto death on the cross. Each of us must come to an understanding of what this means in our individual lives, to be conformed to our Lord’s life and death. Then we can say confidently with the Apostle Paul, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

Back in June, my younger brother and his family came down to Georgia from Wisconsin to visit. It was the first time I’d seen him since 1995, and the first time I’d met his wife and children. What a blessing and answer to prayer it was.

The first evening, my brother treated my family and our Mom to dinner at a nice seafood restaurant. It was nice to break bread with family and relax together.

My two children and I spent the afternoon with my brother and his family at the beach. Our kids enjoyed hanging out together. It was the first time my two nieces and nephew had seen the ocean. It was a little awkward, but I think I was able to share my heart and express my love for them.

Another day, my brother followed us over to my mom’s home (about an hour away). We had lunch at a local deli and then spent some time at my mom’s. Then we all loaded up and followed my mom to the cemetary to visit my Dad’s grave. My Dad’s father and other relatives are also buried there. I bought some roses for my brother and his family to put on the grave.

Many families have their obstacles or issues to deal with, whether large or small and mine is no exception. Still, I’m grateful for them and the opportunity God is giving us for restoration and reconciliation of relationships.   I’m grateful to my brother and his wife for driving down to visit us.  I appreciate the time and money they spent to be with us.   Healing of hearts and minds from past hurts is truly a gift and miracle from the Lord.