The Ornament of a Meek and Quiet Spirit

My church family is moving forward this new year with an interim pastor, Dave Hanson. He preached his first service last Sunday. He was well received and people (including myself) are excited about what the next few months (til June) have in store for us as a congregation. I was especially touched by his concern about how we feel about having a new pastor. He took the time to share, openly and honestly, about his life–his background, his calling into ministry and how he comes to us. He told us that usually he preaches a different sermon his first Sunday in a church, but the Lord lead him to do something different. What a blessing to know he is willing to put aside his own plans to follow God. Brother Dave’s love for the Lord and the Lord’s people is evident in both his words and deeds.

This week also marked the first council meeting with our new pastor. I felt so blessed to hear the leaders of our church embracing the move of God’s Spirit in our midst. There are challenges we are facing, but we don’t face them alone. The Lord has promised to be with us always.

I’m so grateful to the Lord, to be able to say that my daughter seemed to open her heart to our new pastor. The entire congregation giggled with surprise when Brother Dave brought out his puppet, Hugo, to meet the children during the children’s sermon.

I look forward to our next Sunday service and sharing here what God is doing as our church moves forward in 2010!

Changes in a church family can be painful. Our church has suffered some very painful losses in the last few years–a youth director resigning and the chaos left in it’s wake, a music minister who worked with our youth who suddenly killed himself– and now our pastor is retiring to begin a new ministry and another staff member is moving away.

I’ve noticed that the older high school youth seem to have distanced themselves from our youth director. I guess the pain of losing the last one has made them reluctant to invest themselves again. The younger middle school youth seem more open to embracing him.

I can relate to the pain of their loss. As a teen, a neighbor family befriended me and took me to their church. At 13, I accepted Christ as my neighbor guided me. Then my father, who wasn’t a Christian, decided he wanted me to attend a church closer to home. So I found one and became close to the youth director and his wife. Several years later, my neighbor and the youth director, both moved away about the same time. It was the beginning of me turning away from God. I rebelled for about 10 years until the Lord finally restored me. Only then did He show me that it started in the midst of pain when I lost those people who were so important to me.

A recent study of young adults who had been raised in church and continued attending versus those who dropped out, found that the key was having relationships with at least three adults in the church. I can’t help but wonder if that would have made a difference in my life.

A number of books have been written criticizing the modern model of youth ministry, saying it contributes to making them more self centered and doesn’t help them grow in their faith. In my own experience, both as a teen and an adult, it seems that youth groups within churches are really separate congregations. Their loyalty is to the youth director and fellow youth rather than the larger body, thus causing a real problem of disconnect.

My counselor says dear daughter and I are going through a difficult time right now, grieving losses and changes in our church, and that it will probably get worse before it gets better. She encouraged me to be available to listen to my daughter, to help her through this process rather than getting stuck as I did so many years ago. She says that Satan can really gain a foothold through unhealed wounds and scars if we’re not careful.

I’m glad Megan can recognize and express her emotions. She’s ahead of me as far as that goes. The decision will be hers as to how she allows these trials to affect her faith. Her father and I will pray, listen and try to help her through this.

Other people, whether intended or not, will always fail us. Jesus never fails us. His mercies are new every morning. His faithfulness beyond description. He understands what it means to be hurt and betrayed–even unto death on the cross. Each of us must come to an understanding of what this means in our individual lives, to be conformed to our Lord’s life and death. Then we can say confidently with the Apostle Paul, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

Today my best friend and I celebrate 19 years of marriage. I am so grateful for my husband and continue to be amazed at God’s plans for us as they continue to unfold. Chris is such a blessing and example to me of what it means to be faithful to Christ. In almost every situation (no one’s perfect right?) he remains calm and extends grace and forgiveness to those around him, no matter who they are.

We met at work, were engaged after a few months, and then married about 6 months later.  We didn’t have a church family yet.  That would come a few years later.  My Mom made me a simple, but beautiful dress.  We were married in the courthouse here in the town where we live, just the two of us.  We had a wonderful honeymoon at Disneyworld.  Looking back, I don’t regret not having a big fancy wedding, but I would have liked a few family and friends to have been there.

Yes, we have our misunderstandings and disagreements, but I know I can count on him to support and encourage me. I always look forward to our weekly dates when we can reconnect. Sometimes we talk, and sometimes we just enjoy being together.

The Lord has brought us through so many trials–my father’s sudden death early in our marriage, the diagnoses of disabilities in our children, lung cancer in my husband in 2001, and my benign brain tumor in 2006.

Our faith and church home are very important to both of us and there have been trials there as well. Several years ago, after much heart ache and prayer, we changed churches. Our “new” church will be receiving a new pastor in the near future, but I know my husband and I will support and encourage each other through the transition.

I can’t believe we have two teens now–one a junior and one a freshman. In a few years, our kids will fly away. We hope and pray that they continue to embrace and grow stronger in their faith. I’m excited to see what God has in store for them, although I know I’ll shed many tears to see them go.

But today I say   “Happy Anniversary Chris!  I love you with all my heart!”

What does it mean to have a disability-autism, ADD, dyslexia– and be a Christian? Or, a mental illness–depression, bipolar disorder? My counselor thinks my depression is biological rather than triggered by any particular events. I think this means I will always have to struggle and cope with depression. I will probably need medication the rest of my life and this seems very difficult for me to accept. I fought and resisted taking an antidepressant until I seemed to be out of options. I was so surprised, but grateful as well, when it seemed to help right away. My counselor recently told me it may be possible at various times for the dosages to be adjusted/decreased, but her experience tells her I’ll probably always need it.

My counselor asked early on in our sessions if this had affected my faith, if I wondered if it was because I didn’t have enough faith. I guess some people would wonder if they were being punished. Somehow, I knew it wasn’t a lack of faith, or punishment. Still, I struggle with exactly what it does mean. As a Christian, there are some treatments I find unacceptable, for example hypnosis, yoga, meditation. Just because something “works” or “helps” doesn’t mean it is God’s plan or will for me.

It seems to me there is a delicate balance between personal responsibility and genetics (and environment for that matter). I do not buy into the whole “illness” model as in “there’s nothing I can do about it” and/or “it’s someone else’s fault (my parents, my spouse, my kids etc.)”. I can see my doctor and my counselor regularly. I can take my medication as prescribed. I can seek support and accountability through friends and family. I can exercise and eat right. The most important of all, is to seek God about the whole thing.

The apostle Paul struggled with some sort of physical problem, “a messenger from Satan”. It wasn’t a lack of faith that caused his illness. It wasn’t from a lack of seeking God. He asked the Lord three times to remove it until finally God told him “My grace is sufficient for you.” In other words, God’s strength, provision, comfort and encouragement were enough to see him through in such a way that others would see and God would receive ALL the glory.

I hope you don’t mind me sorting through this whole thing here. Perhaps we can learn together and encourage each other no matter what the obstacle or thorn in our lives.

Back in July, I had the opportunity to have coffee with a former mentor and Bible teacher. I had contacted her about the possibility of sharing a Bible study she had written with other women. The study was such a blessing to me and my family and I felt confident it could and should be used to encourage others. I was a member of a mom’s group she had organized to encourage stay at home moms.
The group no longer exists, but the fruits of that study continue in my family and children. I especially needed guidance back then because my son had just been diagnosed with mild autism. As a christian who had just returned to the Lord after years of rebellion, I needed someone to teach me what the Bible says about raising, guiding, loving and disciplining children. I was especially unsure since my child had a disability.
While my teacher helped me understand that the Bible’s principles apply to ALL children, she stressed that I need to be as sure as I could be that my child understood what I was saying and expecting. The study also blessed me by helping me understand how and why God, my Father, deals with me the way he does. The Bible clearly says that discipline (which is not just punishment) is an expression of love. Those not disciplined by the Lord may need to check and see if they really belong to Him. Likewise, those who love their children, discipline them. If we don’t teach our children the consequences of their actions while they’re still under our wing, what will happen to them when their out in the world, on their own?
This lack of discipline and self-discipline permeates our entire culture–in sports, schools, homes and sadly even the church. While confronting those we love with what they’ve done wrong is difficult and uncomfortable, the consequences of not doing it could be destruction of our loved ones. How much better to call the names of our children in prayer while they are still in our care, than when they are in desperate circumstances– destroying their bodies with drugs, alcohol and immoral living and finally in the hospital or jail.

I learned in that study so many years ago that one of the most important keys is consistency. This is very difficult to do day in and day out, when we’re tired after a long day, when we’re sick etc. It just seems easier to not hold the line. This is why studying our Bibles, prayer and the support of fellow Christians is so important. There is strength and power in knowing that our heavenly Father has given us the authority to guide our children. There is encouragement when we talk to and pray with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Whatever season of life you’re in, I hope that Biblical discipline is a part of your life. If it’s not, dig into the scriptures and diligently pray for the Lord to teach you. Seek out your pastor and mentors who can help you. You’ll be glad you did.

Back in June, my younger brother and his family came down to Georgia from Wisconsin to visit. It was the first time I’d seen him since 1995, and the first time I’d met his wife and children. What a blessing and answer to prayer it was.

The first evening, my brother treated my family and our Mom to dinner at a nice seafood restaurant. It was nice to break bread with family and relax together.

My two children and I spent the afternoon with my brother and his family at the beach. Our kids enjoyed hanging out together. It was the first time my two nieces and nephew had seen the ocean. It was a little awkward, but I think I was able to share my heart and express my love for them.

Another day, my brother followed us over to my mom’s home (about an hour away). We had lunch at a local deli and then spent some time at my mom’s. Then we all loaded up and followed my mom to the cemetary to visit my Dad’s grave. My Dad’s father and other relatives are also buried there. I bought some roses for my brother and his family to put on the grave.

Many families have their obstacles or issues to deal with, whether large or small and mine is no exception. Still, I’m grateful for them and the opportunity God is giving us for restoration and reconciliation of relationships.   I’m grateful to my brother and his wife for driving down to visit us.  I appreciate the time and money they spent to be with us.   Healing of hearts and minds from past hurts is truly a gift and miracle from the Lord.