Hearts of Christian HomeKeepers™

We all have a comfort zone where we feel the safest. When you are in the zone, you feel like nothing and nobody can hurt you. That is a very powerful feeling. It’s like a warm, cozy blanket wrapped around you, keeping out everyone that might cause you pain. But sometimes being in the zone can be more harmful than getting yourself out and about.

Proverbs 12:26 (New International Version)

²⁶ A righteous man is cautious in friendship,
but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

For me, this verse in Proverbs has been my excuse not to reach out to other people, because I am afraid that if I open up and try to make a new friend, something bad will happen. I have been hurt in the past by those I thought were my friends, and I just wasn’t going to go through that again. But God has other plans………

But there has been something I have learned over the past few weeks. If you put yourself out there, if you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you might just be surprised at the joy you can feel when you toss off that blanket and step away. I am so used to my own routines and my own expectations, that I wasn’t fully ready to embrace what God was trying to tell me about friendship: God helps those who help themselves. By that, I mean, I needed to take the first step. Instead of saying “no” to something new, I actually took a few minutes to think about it. Two weeks ago, our kids won 2 baseball games that on paper, they never should have won. Normally after a game, I am ready to take off and head to the safety of my own home. My husband, John, on the other hand, has to hang around and talk with the guys. Normally I just wait in the car until he is finished. Well, the past few games, I actually stood around and interacted with the coaches, and a few Moms. Lo and behold, things started changing.

Normally, when I am at a game, I have my head buried in a book until the game starts, and then I just focus on cheering on my son. Lately, that is changed because I have been making the effort to talk to more of the parents, and even the siblings of the team. Now, games are spent talking, laughing, cheering, instead of being in a corner by myself. Why? Because I stopped expecting people to know what I wanted, and made the first move.  Your body language says a lot more than you think.  If you close yourself off, people will just leave you alone because that is what you are projecting.

After those two unlikely wins, one of the parents invited John, myself, and the boys back to their house for a celebration.  Normally we’d just say no and go home.  However, God must have been working in both our hearts that night, because we said yes.  Let me tell you, it was the most fun we have had in a long time!  The kids all played together for 4 straight hours after just playing a 3 hour baseball game.  They got along.  They worked together.  They looked out for each other.  They said they couldn’t wait to do it again.  We learned a lot from our kids that night.  Imagine looking at your watch and seeing that it was past 11pm, and not once did you think about going home.

Deuteronomy 4:9

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

It’s amazing what children can teach you about life, friends, and living.

So some things to remember when you want to fellowship with others:

1. Just say “YES” ~instead of immediately saying no, stop and take a moment to think things over.  Talk it over with your spouse, their answer may just surprise you!
2. Watch your body language~You may think you are open to new people and experiences, but your body is telling people otherwise.  If you are closed off, no one will approach you.
3. Make the first move~go over and talk to people, don’t wait for them to come to you.  If they don’t want to reciprocate, then move on.  And try not take their response personally.  There may be something else going on in their lives that make attempts at communication unwelcome, at that moment.
   
4. If you need something, ask!!~people are not mind readers.  It’s not fair to others or yourself to expect them to know what you need, or what you like or dislike.  By being upfront, you can save yourself a world of hurt.
5. Above all, enjoy yourself~by just sitting back and observing, you can often find a zone of comfort that allows you to interact on your own terms.

It’s never easy making changes, especially when it comes to making friends.  In this life, it’s often easier to go with the flow than try something new.  But that often leaves us empty and wanting more.  Take your cues from Jesus: be friends to all that cross your path.  You never know if one of those people will just become that lifelong friend you have be asking for!

A hundred years ago, in my previous, pre-motherhood life, I was a working girl.  I had a very busy, fast-paced job as a Child Welfare investigator for the state of Oklahoma.   While this was a tough job, there were rewarding moments, though they were few and far between.  People used to ask  me how I could do such work.   There were several things I did, emotions aside, that kept me from going insane.  One was being organized.  I had a date book that was my lifeline.  I didn’t go anywhere without it.  It was my constant companion.  I was picky about date books.  Back then I was a “big picture” gal.  I wanted to see the whole situation as it was and not get bogged down in details.  As the saying goes, I didn’t want to miss the forest because of the trees.  My date book was one that showed a whole month at at time.  I wanted to be able to see what was coming around the bend next week and down the pike in two weeks.  I tried the ones that showed a week at at time or a day at a time but I always felt like I had blinders on .

Fast forward 7 years.  My son is now 7 and I am going on 7 years as a stay-at-home mom.  I don’t really have a need for a date book anymore but the organizational junkie in me still likes to play around with them now and then.   But my needs have changed.  I only use one during the school year when I’m trying to keep track of Cub Scouts, PTA, holidays, doctor appointments, well, you get the picture.   I don’t use one during the summer, just like I don’t wear a watch May through August.  The other day,  I was working on making a new date book (yes money is tighter now so I was using free downloads and an old binder) and I realized something.  I was using the date sheets that show one week per sheet.  And it was working fine for me.  I don’t need to know what is going on next week or in two weeks.  I now take life one week at a time.  I know that God is taking care of the future so I don’t need to be so concerned.

My goal next year?  One DAY at a time sheets.

An 1870 oil painting by Ford Madox Brown depicting Romeo and Juliet's famous balcony scene

My daughter Megan’s hopes and dreams for acting and singing are coming along nicely. She first showed an interest in singing when the children’s department of the church we were attending had a Christmas program. They had auditions for solo parts and Megan, in early elementary school, wanted to try. I was very surprised, but encouraged her. She didn’t get the part, but got another opportunity in a different, smaller church. A young adult choir member invited her to sing a duet. They sang together for a church service and thus began Megan’s journey in the performing arts. A few years later, I saw an article in the local newspaper looking for kids and teens to audition for the community theater Broadway musical review. It was a wonderful opportunity to learn about both singing and acting.

From there, she’s gained experience in community,school and church choirs and plays. Her father and I have encouraged her to work hard, but not at the expense of others. 1 Peter 5:6-7 tells us that God will exalt in due time.We’ve instructed her to start at the bottom and gain skills to move ahead. We’ve prayed for God’s will and strength .We see God using and blessing her as she seeks to use her gifts for His glory.

She’s worked hard and been blessed with opportunities this year in Advanced Drama and Intermediate Women’s Chorus. Her drama class is working on Romeo and Juliet. She was considered for the lead as Juliet, and was of course disappointed when it went to someone else, but she didn’t dwell on it. We encourage her to do her best in the parts she’s given and trust God to move her at the right time down the road.

I’m excited about sharing with you how God is guiding us to nurture her dreams! Stay tuned for future updates!

I am a mom to four children and through this experience I’ve had many invaluable lessons.
I’ve learned the more I teach, the more I learn.
I’ve learned that the days a mother puts in are very long but the years fly by.
I’ve learned that if my family sticks together we can do anything.
I’ve learned to appreciate Pop tarts.
I’ve learned that God gave me the perfect kids for me.
I’ve learned that laughter really is the best medicine.
I’ve learned to walk around with my heart outside my body.
I’ve learned to love the scent of a newborn.
I’ve learned to like the Three Stooges.
I’ve learned to hold my breath when my child falls and not react until they do.
I’ve learned no one dies from a little dirt.
I’ve learned not to stop the fun just because of the mess it creates.
I’ve learned to make cleaning messes fun.
I’ve learned just how creative I am.
I’ve learned to be organized in the midst of chaos.
I’ve learned what unconditional love really is.
I’ve learned how to potty train boys.
I’ve learned to major in the majors and minor in the minors.
I’ve learned first through fifth positions, arabesque and passe in ballet.
I’ve learned to identify cars, trucks and planes.
I’ve learned that snuggling up with a good storybook and cuddly kid on a rainy day is the perfect way to spend an afternoon.
I’ve learned not to try to shorten the storybook.
I’ve learned that if I do something fun once be prepared to do it for the rest of time.
I’ve learned how important traditions are.
I’ve learned how much healing power my kisses have.
I’ve learned that I am beautiful especially when my preschool hairdresser puts those green bows in my hair.
I’ve learned I can go without sleep for a very long time.
I’ve learned to watch what I say because my words come back to haunt me in a three year-old’s voice.
I’ve learned how to wage tickle wars.
I’ve learned to make homemade play dough, finger paint and paste.
I’ve learned just how ferocious I can be when my little one is in danger or hurt by someone.
I’ve learned just how great it is to have your teen sit and talk to you.
I’ve learned just how much I didn’t know about raising kids.
I’ve learned how to relax and play again.
I’ve learned what it feels like to be truly forgiven when I apologize to my six year-old for forgetting her friend’s birthday party.
I’ve learned to be flexible because life with little ones is an unpredictable adventure.
I’ve learned that my mother’s curse that she hoped I would have a child just like me, is not a curse at all but quite a blessing.
I’ve learned how God the Father feels about me because that’s the way I feel about my children.
I’ve learned that just as each of my fingers leaves a distinct fingerprint, each of my four children will leave a distinct mark on my heart.
I’ve learned that if I had never become a mother I would have never became all that God intended me to be.