This week’s question is about wearing pants and going to Church…..

First, I would like to know if it is wrong if I wear pants?
I see so many Christians wearing pants, but then I also see so many
who condemn it and only wear long dresses or skirts. Which is right?
And I work a part time job, to help bring in extra money for bills
and etc., and the job requires me to work on Sundays very often, the
early morning shift.  I do occasionally get a Sunday off, but when i
do I usually feel too tired to go to Church. What should I do? Is it
wrong if I only pray at home?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. God Bless,
Kasey

Dear Kasey,
You didn’t mention if you are a Christian, so I am going to assume that you are. Otherwise I don’t think you’d be concerned whether or not you are right or wrong about what you wear and if you go to Church.

There are going to be people on both sides of these issues.  I can point out particular scriptural principles for you and you will need to pray and come to a satisfactory answer for yourself. God really expects us to do that. He wants our belief in Him to be one of faith in what He says. He speaks to each of His children through His Word and through other Christians. I know you wanted an “answer” to these questions, so I will tell you what conclusion I have come to about your first question based on my own study and searching. The second question has no wiggle room as you will see.

There are times in all our lives when God convicts us and has us to stand out and be different for His purposes in our lives.  So there may be a time in a Christian woman’s life where God has her wearing dresses only and during that time He will be teaching her something. Then at a later time He may release her from that particular conviction. I have experienced this many times in my life.

God’s Word is made up of direct commands and principles. A principle is an accepted rule of action and a fundamental truth. Where God’s Word is silent, we must remain silent. Where the Word speaks it can give us a command or a principle to live by.

What women and men wear is addressed in the Old Testament as a command. What women and men wear in the New Testament is addressed through principle and it takes into account what the Old Testament says as well.

God’s main concern about what we wear is that it is modest. He is also concerned that we do not defraud others concerning our gender. He created us in a particular way, a specific gender, and He wants us to be what He created us to be.

The principle that God’s Word teaches then on how we dress is this; we should be more concerned with our inner woman and our walk with God than our outer facade, we musn’t wear anything that is immodest, that reveals private parts of our bodies or could cause a brother or sister to stumble and sin, and we must not defraud others about our gender.

So, should women never wear pants?
Let’s look at some scripture that is commonly used to support the belief that women should wear only dresses and then I will discuss these scriptures.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
1 Peter 3:3-4

The above verse does not teach us that women are never to wear gold and plait our hair. If it did, then it would also mean we wouldn’t be able to put on apparel or dresses. It refers to the wearing of these things as the means of bringing out our beauty or making ourselves beautiful when we should be relying on God to to make us beautiful from the inside out. That’s true beauty.So this verses isn’t about wearing dresses only, at all. Its about finding our worth in Christ and prioritizing our lives.

A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.
Deuteronomy 22:5

Further study on this passage, especially a word study, reveals that the meaning here is related to God’s requirement that the sexes be distinguishable. It is important for men and women to be distinct. In fact, it is so important to God that men and women who attempt to appear to be of the opposite sex are called an abomination to the Lord.

When a Christian woman in our society wears pants she is not usually attempting to look like a man.  In our culture, even our Christian culture, pants are appropriate clothing for men and women. Some Churches frown upon women wearing pants. It is another principle of God’s Word that, in order to keep peace and not offend brothers and sisters in Christ, we women not wear pants if we are part of a Church like that. God is very concerned with how we treat each other and how we show respect to one another as Christian sisters and brothers.

Since it is important that we identify with our own gender, it’s important that we be careful in what we wear and how it makes us look. Knowing this, I choose to dress in dresses and skirts instead of pants. Frankly I do this because I simply don’t like the way I look in a pair of pants.  Even wearing pants we need to be aware of whether or not we are modestly clothed.  As someone said, pants aren’t always modest even though they cover our legs!

Dresses are still a very distinguishable attire for women in our culture. Any time we see a man in a dress we immediately think of perversion. This is definitely a cultural issue. In some societies long flowing robes, which we might say resemble ‘dresses’, cover the whole body and are standard for both genders. There will be identifying touches though that tell others in that society who is male and who is female. If we are familiar with that culture’s gender rules we will know what those touches are and we will not be defrauded concerning who is female and who is male.

Even dressed in pants, women are usually easily distinguishable from men.  Hair styles and mannerisms, as well as clothing, all are ways that we convey our gender to others. God’s principles tell us that He is most concerned with how we live our lives and whether or not we are confusing our gender for ourselves and others.

Concerning Church Attendance ….
I strongly believe that all Christians should be attending a worship service somewhere regularly and should be affiliated with a local Body of Christ. Church attendance and participation in the life of that Church is not an option for a Christian, we are commanded to attend and be a part.

Hebrews 10:25 gives the command in no uncertain terms: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Church attendance is necessary if we are to carry out the other commands of God to comfort one another (2 Cor. 1:3-4), encourage one another (1 Thess. 4:18), bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).

There is more to Church attendance than praying. We need it all. Paul has told us, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” 1 Thess. 5:11. You just can’t do that outside of going to Church and being an active member there.

If you are not going to Church simply because you are tired, I would have to say, you need to make the effort. Is God going to strike you down because you aren’t going to work sometimes, due to work schedule? No.

But Christ died for the Church (Ephesians 5:25) and shouldn’t we love what Christ loves?  Church attendance is a command for the Christian and its truly for our benefit as well as for the benefit of the Church.

I was sent a question this week that just melted my heart and made me feel such compassion for the one who asked. The question was, “How can you let Jesus know that you are really sorry?”

Repentance is the first step to a new relationship with God and it is the the step that restores a broken relationship between a Christian and God. I don’t particularly like breaking down this precious experience into “Steps” but it really is comprised of a series of events that happen in order.  It might be helpful to know what these steps are so that you can be assured that God really has forgiven you of your sins.

Webster’s 1828 Dictionary of the English language defines repentance as, “Real penitence; sorrow or deep contrition for sin, as an offense and dishonor to God, a violation of his holy law, and the basest ingratitude towards a Being of infinite benevolence. This is called evangelical repentance, and is accompanied and followed by amendment of life.”

Its interesting to note that repentance is a gift from God. In Acts 11:18 and 2 Timothy 2:25 repentance is called a gift from God. So if you feel weak or feel like you are not able to repent sufficiently, these verses should give you hope and strength. God walks with you and helps you even when you are repenting!

“Acts 26:20
First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and to the Gentiles also, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds.”

Acts 20:21
I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.

Acts 3:19
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

……. So then, repentance is deep sorrow for our actions accompanied by a change in lifestyle.

The first step in repentance is the action of God, the Holy Spirit, on our conscience to cause us to feel sorrowful and ashamed of our sin. Then, our hearts must yield to the influence of the Holy Spirit.  “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

The second step of repentance is sorrow for our sins. 2 Corinthians 7: 9-10 tells us that …As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

The kind of sorrow we have when it is God who is convicting us of sin is godly sorrow and it leads to repentance. “It includes an honest, a contrite spirit, a frank recognition of the sins committed, and a firm determination to sin no more. Worldly sorrow is not the a sorrow for the sin but that of being caught. When one has this type of sorrow s/he feels self-pity and helplessness” (Ludlow, 1992).

The third step to repentance is one where we confess our sin and renounce them. This step includes admission of the sin and remorse for it, complete separation from the sin and the taking of steps to live in a righteous way.
Most of the time it is only necessary to admit our sins to God alone. Sometimes though it is essential that we admit our sins to people we have wronged. 1 John 1:9 says that …. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins.

If you have wronged other people with your sin, then you must reconcile with those people. Any restitution that needs to be made should be made. This is an essential part of repentance.

The last step, like the first one, is performed by God alone. When you have repented, God forgives you. He promises in His Word that He is faithful to forgive when we repent.

When you repent with godly sorrow, you are forgiven. God promises us that we are forgiven and that He will not remember our sins.

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12

I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
2 Corinthians 5:17

For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:7

If you are seeking a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, the next step would be to believe that Jesus is the only Son of God and that God sent Him into the world to save people from the wrath of God and to confess with your mouth your belief.

If you need more help with this or someone to pray with you, you can email me at sylvia  at christianhomekeeper dot com, replacing the words with the appropriate symbols.

This week’s question comes from Jeannie. This is a very important topic, so I invite you to join me as we search the Word for what God says about dating non-Christians.

As a middle aged woman, ready to date again, I find the pool of quality men small, and even smaller is the pool of Christian.

To be honest, a lot of the non Christian men are nicer and have more to offer than the Christian men do.

I was married to a man that shared my faith before, so I know how
wonderful that can be. But I find I am turning down, good datable men
because they either are not Christians or are just casual Christians.

Do I avoid dating all non-Christian men?

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

There is nothing inherently wrong with dating unbelievers. However, since God’s Word is not only a compilation of specific statements about life, but also a book of principles for living the Christian Life, there is more to think about when it comes to dating non-believers.

Its a real problem! Trying to find someone who is compatible with you, someone whose personality really works with yours, who you find attractive and who loves the Lord Jesus … can seem down right impossible. Should you go to a different Church? Date that non-Christian guy at work? Lower you standards? All those things can really distract you from your walk with the Lord.

Above all else: guard your heart ….. Proverbs 4:23

The thing we often forget is that when we belong to Jesus, there are things in which we are limited. One of those things is the pool of people we can choose from to have a husband or wife. The Bible tells us that the way of Christ is narrow and that there are not many who find it. It stands to reason then, that the group from which we can choose a mate is equally narrow.

Even though dating a non-Christian is not a good idea, consider with what compassion God views those who are in a marriage with an unbeliever: For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:14. What this means is that the believer’s life will be a testimony to the unbeliever and that the believer’s faith may lead the unbeliever to faith in Christ. Still not an ideal situation and not one that God chooses for His people.

Here are some things to think about when considering who to date:

1. Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals 1 Corinthians 15:33. Will dating a non-Christian be a good thing for your relationship with Christ? Will it draw you closer to Him? Or will it cause you to pull away?

2. Can a non-Christian man lead a spiritually mature woman? Its not likely. The bible tells us that the man should be the spiritual leader in a relationship.

3. You may find that you have opposite views from a non-Christian in many areas. What happens is that you will be tempted to compromise. The non-Christian can break certain rules (convictions) that you have for your life and you may feel pressured to break those convictions as well, simply to maintain the relationship. A non-Christian may feel indifferent about your convictions, but you will have to deal with them.

4. Are you prepared to be emotionally involved with someone with whom you cannot talk about your deepest feelings and hopes in the light of God and His plan?  There is a level of intimacy that you cannot achieve with someone who does not share your faith. Are you sure this is something you want to experience?

5. It may be very difficult to end an emotional relationship with someone if you find that you are not compatible spiritually. Even a casual dating can become a relationship of love. The best thing to do is not to entangle yourself in the first place.

So what do we do?  I think there are a few things we can do to enhance our opportunities for meeting people.  Going to Church and being active there is a great one. I think obviously, the bigger the Church the bigger your opportunities. Some Churches even have godly singles groups.  Being involved in community activities can be a way to meet others and so can being a volunteer in Christian outreach groups in your community.

Don’t leave out prayer. God is intensely interested in your life and in your emotional needs.  I believe He has a plan for you, and while I cannot say that it does or does not include a Christian husband, I do know that He wants the very best for you.

I know this is not an easy answer.  Frankly, you are a grown woman and I would never assume to tell you what to do about this topic, but would just speak these words of truth into your life and ask you to pray about it.  I will be praying for you too, Jeannie, because I know this is important and that you are concerned about what God wants for your life.

Dear Miss Sylvia,

I am so thankful that you have created this section here. I’ve been
struggling with staying on course in becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman. I’m
not an early bird, so waking up before anyone else is difficult for
me. I typically get up around 8am, by then my Dad has already left for
work. Thankfully my son, Mom, and teenage brother are still in bed,
but I feel as though I’m not trying hard enough. I realize that the
obvious answer to this is to go to bed early. Not a foreign concept to
me, I got use to it when I was working outside the home. But now I
can’t seem to stop at a decent time at night and get to bed before
1am. I’m really struggling with this and would love any advice or
encouragement.  Thank you and bless you!

Hi Amanda,
Thanks for writing to me.

It sounds as if you really do know what you need to do, you just are having a hard time getting your ducks in a row! You know, the only way I know to learn to get up in the morning is to just get up a little earlier every morning until you can stand it.   I guess everyone is a little different, but in general if you stay up late, your body is not going to like being awakened early.
So you have to train your body to recognize when its time to rise by getting in a habit of getting up earlier.

Once you have gotten up early, you’re probably going to be tired earlier in the evening and that will make it easier to go to sleep at a normal hour. The first few days can be tiring when you’re teaching yourself a new routine, but hang in there and don’t give up.
Experts say that it takes 21 days of repetition for something to become a habit.

When you arise in the morning, what helps you get going? A walk? A shower? Breakfast? go ahead and do what you need to do to wake up.  Then establish a morning routine. Wash your face and wake up. Get your personal grooming done, dress and put on shoes.  There is nothing like getting dressed and ready for the day to wake up both your mind and body. After you are awake you are ready to meet with the Lord for prayer and worship.

Always start your day by spending time with the Lord.  Spending time with Him early allows you to dedicate your day to Him and His work. It allows you to hear from Him and find the day’s priorities.
Spending time with God early will help you to put the day’s events in context with your relationship with God and it helps you to keep God at the center of your life instead of relegating Him to the sidelines of everything that happens during the day.

Establish a daily routine. If you have a routine that you follow daily, your body recognizes that routine after a while and it become easier for you to get moving.

Establish an evening routine that is conducive to a restful night of sleep. Don’t start projects that can’t be ended at bedtime. Keep the house quiet and peaceful in the evening. Make it your goal to be in bed by 10 pm.

I hope this helps you a little Amanda and gives you some encouragement and ideas for getting started earlier in the day.  I am preaching to myself here as well!  I am not a morning person and have had to implement all of these ideas to help myself create a habit of rising early and being productive.

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3