We had a fresh snow here in Maine this week and it was a nice, wet snow that stayed on the tree branches and  looked just beautiful. Well, it looks beautiful on the tall, strong trees. The poor smaller trees became just laden down with the heavy snow burden.

Sometimes I feel like that smaller, weaker tree but instead of being heavy laden with snow I am weighed down by anxiety. The worries of life pile up on me and in my heart I am just as bent over as that poor tree!

The Bible bears witness of this when it says, “Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs him down, but a good word makes it glad.” (Proverbs 12:25)

When we are laden down with anxiety and worry we need a “good word.” If you look up the word used for “good” here in the original language of the Old Testament (“A Concise Dictionary of Hebrew”, by J. Kohlenberger) the range of meaning is: “good, pleasing, desirable, goodness, pleasant, beautiful, excellent, lovely, delightful, joyful, fruitful, precious, cheerful, kind, correct, righteous, that which is good, right; virtue; happiness, pleasantness.”

I find this discovery of what “good” means so fascinating because it reminds me of a passage in the book of Philippians in the New Testament that also has advice on handling worry!

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent of praiseworthy–thinks about such things.” (Philippians 4:4-9)

When I discovered this connection I felt like I had discovered a great treasure!! When we are burden down and heavy laden with worries, we ought to rejoice in our God (singing praises to Him sure helps me) and pray to Him, laying out our requests. Then we are to repackage our minds with that good word!!

Where to we find thoughts that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, etc.? In God’s Word of course!! I read God’s Word, speak it out loud, and pray it back to God. Then I trust Him with my situation. Easy right? Well, no not exactly…

I find to really be able to “think on such things” as a pattern that replaces my worried, anxious thoughts, I must not just read it and speak it and pray it once but over and over and over. I have to super saturation myself with God’s Truth, with His Good Word to be truly released from the grip that anxiety has on me. It is something I have to practice and practice and practice.

Please know, this is not the “power of positive thinking”. Not at all. It is rather, learning to replace my flawed, deceit-ridden thoughts with God’s Truth. It is replacing my anxiety in a life that feels out of control with an acknowledgement of God’s loving control and watch-care in my life.

“Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs him down…but a good word makes it glad.”

Morning comes too soon on a day like today and it’s a struggle to put your feet to the floor. You stumble out of bed and get the coffee going. The dog, unaware of “daylight savings time” looks at you in wonder at why you are up so early…

Already behind before you start, there’s no just no time to meet with God. The Bible stays in its spot near your bed. It’s time to get the kids up and moving, your husband needs to get his lunch together and head off to work. You tell yourself you’ll read your Bible at lunchtime, but your heart whispers that you know better than that. Once the day starts the activities pile on and you sprint through the day, forgetting the promise of the morning…and the next day…and the next…

What a week! It seems everything that can go wrong HAS gone wrong. Everything you pick up drops, you can’t seem to accomplish anything! The house is a wreck, the kids are fighting, your husband seems constantly aggravated… You just want to pull the covers over your head.

Sound familiar?

I have lived this pattern over and over in my life for too many years to count. Several years ago, during such a time, I was reading a book that pointed out that when we live our day (and the day after that) without meeting with God in Bible reading and prayer, that what we are really saying with our actions is, “God I don’t really need you today. I can do this on my own.” And THAT is a classic example of PRIDE.

James 4:6 says, “But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ “

I had known for a long time that when my time with God is consistent, that I am more stable in my emotions and able to take on much more with the right attitude. A dropped blow dryer and spilled coffee cup all in the same morning does not define my day. I have a soft answer for my children that calms and doesn’t enflame. My husband responds positively to the peaceful tone of the house when he arrives home from work. Rather than having to solve all the problems that stacked up in our day, he can relax in the sanctuary that is our home.

I also realized that when I let that time with God slip, that the contrast was huge in my attitude and outlook on life. But I had not before considered that I was, in those times, falling into the sin of pride. As such my perception of everything falling apart was accurate as God himself was opposing me in order to humble me and draw me back to Himself.

Our Jesus is the Good Shepherd. He knows that if we separate ourselves from Him, that we will quickly wander off into destruction. He loves us too much to let that happen. That horrible cycle that we set into motion when we stop meeting with Him daily is His irresistible grace and unfailing love to us.

If this describes you today, stop right now and meet with your God. Find in Him your strength and sustenance. Repent from the pride of believing you can live this day without Him. Turn to Jesus and find grace and forgiveness!

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.” James 4:7

So much is written today about the single girl and guy staying pure before marriage. Debates rage on concerning “how to date” and “whether dating is biblical.” But I find very little about what a woman (or man for that matter but this article is for the ladies!) ought to look for in a man. Having been that single woman looking for the “right man” and having been married to that man for 20 years, I have a huge burden to share with young (and older) single ladies what I view as huge considerations to take into account when deciding if a certain man could be “Mr. Right.”

Of wives the Bible says in Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” According to the “Linguistic Key to the Greek New Testament” (by Rienecker and Rogers) the word for submit means, “to line one’s self up under, to submit.” “The word has primarily the idea of giving up one’s own right or will, i.e. ‘to subordinate one’s self.’” I can say from observation and experience that even if a wife has a godly attitude toward submission that it can be a great joy or a horrible torture. Much of that can depend on the husband.

Knowing you must submit to him, marry a man who is a follower of Jesus. One woman who had married an unbeliever once told me, “The closer I am to my husband the further I am from God; the closer I am to God the further I am from my husband.” She found that pleasing one meant not pleasing the other. She and her husband had very different goals in life. How hard can you imagine it is to submit to a man that does not worship her God? Scripture warns of this when it says:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Knowing you must submit to him, make sure he is God’s man. Again, so much is written about how Proverbs 31 was an oracle taught to King Lemuel by his mother. Many understand Proverbs 31 to be a great passage of Scripture to teach your sons as they seek a wife. But what about a great passage of Scripture to teach women as they seek a husband? Recently my pastor spoke about this and wisely suggested Titus 1:6-9 which describes the qualifications of a Church Elder. What better man to lead your home than a man who has the qualities (or budding qualities, if young) to lead God’s church? That man is described as follows:

“An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.” (verse 6) The word “blameless” here means “above reproach” or “without a charge against him.” It would be a man of integrity and good reputation. “The husband of one wife” would suggest a man faithful in his relationships. How does he treat those around him and those in his family? Most likely he does not have children of his own, but is he a problem creator in his family or part of the solution in his family? Is he a godly influence in his family? I do think it is appropriate to look at his relationships with others, especially those in his own family (mother, father, sisters, brothers) to see if he is a man of integrity in his home, in his church, and in his community.

“Since an overseer is trusted with God’s work, he must be blameless–not overbearing, not quick tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain.” (verse 7) Oh these are such important qualities for a husband! A man who is overbearing does not listen to anyone else’s opinion. He is selfish and tramples on the feelings of others. He would be a difficult man to live with, much less submit to! A quick tempered man is given to anger. He is “hot under the collar” with a “chip on his shoulder.” It doesn’t take much to anger him. Hopefully drunkenness and violence speak for themselves. However I do think violence can be deceptive. A woman might think that because her boyfriend is violent with others yet treats her like gold, that he will continue to do so. But a woman should not entrust herself to a violent man even if his violence seems justified. If he solves some of his problems with violence, chances are he will eventually solve the rest with violence. My mamma’s heart shudders… Finally, a man who makes his money dishonestly cannot be blessed by God. It takes lying and cheating and stealing to do so. You want a man who tells the truth to you, right?

“Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.” (verse 8 ) The word for hospitable means “lover of strangers”. Does he care about people, even those who are not his friends or family? Does he demonstrate that care with his actions? Does he love what God loves (loves what is good)? Is he self controlled? Let me tell you, if a Christian boyfriend is pressuring you to be physically intimate before marriage, he is not trying to be self controlled! Is he holy and upright, seeking to live out God’s Word in his life and live up to God’s standard? When he sins, is he quick to repent or does he instead avoid repenting by justifying his actions? Is he disciplined in controlling himself? The “Linguistic Key to the New Testament” defines “discipline” here as meaning “complete self mastery, which controls all passionate impulses and keeps the will loyal to the will of God.” Again, is he one to repent when he fails? Does he seek to live according to God’s Word?

“He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.” (verse 9) It is such a blessing to marry a man who is the kind of Christian who is a “Man of God’s Word.” He does not twist Scripture for his own gain, but handles God’s Word respectfully and seeks to teach others. This cannot help but influence how he treats his wife. Seeking to be like Christ, he is the kind of man who will wrap that towel around his waist and wash the feet of his wife. He will love her as Christ loved the church, being willing to lay down his life for her. Who doesn’t want to be submit to him?

Does this mean I am saying that a woman must marry a perfect man? No, I am surely not saying that! But what is his goal, his aim? I am saying, knowing that God is calling the wife to submit to the husband, marry someone you can submit to without reservation. Marry a man who’s heart is turned 100% toward God and is going to lead your family in repentance and wholehearted devotion to God. Then, when he does make a mistake, you can know he is trying and that if God leads in another way and he realizes it he will be quick to repent. He is going to be the spiritual leader in your family. Make sure he fits God’s view of a spiritual leader. My mother used to tell me, “Better to stay single than to be married to the wrong man.” I think she is right.

I’ve prayed for many years that God would help me to be a more giving person. I am today more giving than I was, but not as giving as I would like to be.

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”  2 Corinthians 9:6

I can recount with great joy and remembrance times in my life where others have “sowed generously” to me. There was that time in my first year of marriage when we were very *tight* financially and an older man who sold Christmas trees gave us a little tree the perfect size for our apartment. He surprised us and showed up at our door with the tree and a box of food (also needed). Or when my husband’s aunt sent him her tax return to help him pay off his college tuition. When my husband was a full time pastor and we had 3 kids ages 5 and under, a dear friend came and planted two gorgeous flower beds for me. I’ll never forget watching her work for hours, having brought flowers she purchased herself. A man from our church used to come with his tractor and till our vegetable garden every spring and then he would share meat from his freezer. I can credit those wonderful Christians and others for my desire to be a more giving person! They truly inspired me!

“Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. ” 2 Corinthians 9:7

I’ve heard testimony from more than one person who has visited a Third World Country, that the people who live there share whatever they have with others without hesitation. So how is it that I, who live in one of the richest nations of the world, stop to ponder over whether I can afford to give or let go of what I have been given? How can I, the same person struggling to declutter the stuff that has accumulated in my home, be anything less than one who gives lavishly?

As I pray to God and ask him to help me to be more giving, the next obvious prayer is, “Lord what can I give?” The answer I seem to sense from him is, “What is it you have?” Well, I have time, talents, and treasures.

I have time: Time to babysit for a friend, time to cook a meal for someone, time listen to a friend who is struggling, time to serve in my church, time to give others a ride when they need one, time to offer hospitality, time to…

I have talents: I can knit and sew to make something for someone, I can cook, I can teach the Bible and other subjects, I can plant a garden, I can…

I have treasures: We can share our money, our clothes, our schoolbooks, our food, our vehicles, our home, our storage room, our…

Here is a big lesson I had to learn. When I am tempted to tighten my grip on my time, talents and treasures it is because I do not trust God to give me what I need. I forget that he provided all of it to begin with and he can meet my need and refill my empty hands. For example, when my kids were young and I wanted to hold onto their clothes in case I had another child even though I new someone who needed those clothes right then, I had to trust that God provided them the first time and he would again. When I wanted to hold onto our schoolbooks because I was afraid I would use or want those books later on, I had to trust God and let go.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: ‘He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.’ Now he who supplies seed and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.” 2 Corinthians 9:8-10

God is teaching me and I am slowly, slowly learning to open my hands and offer what is in them and keep them open! God is showing me over and over, as I am faithful to give, that he is more faithful and more faithful to provide for my every need. The lesson is that he doesn’t give so I can have, he gives so I can give. He could give to the needy directly. He’s done it before. He has literally dropped food from the sky and he has delivered food by ravens. But he allows me (and you) the joy and ministry of giving! It is a priviledge!!

“You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.” 2 Corinthians 9:11 

The amazing part? You can try…but you can’t. out. give. God!